Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
