Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
