we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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