I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
