nutella sex= disaster
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
