Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
