EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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