the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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