apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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