I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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