next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
