I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
