if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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