He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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