The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
