you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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