She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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