well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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