dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
