yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
