i jhust puked up my retainher.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
