20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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