the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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