ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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