Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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