Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
