quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We need a shit load of segways right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
