She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
