it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
