So drunk its hurt
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
