Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
