Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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