could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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