if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
