There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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