Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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