There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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