I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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