So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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