I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
