Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
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My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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