And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
