You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I pour the whiskey from now on
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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