It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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