no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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