Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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