I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We smell like vodka and hangover
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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