I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
