If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
