I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
