Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
