okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
