In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
