my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
two words: eviction party
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
