I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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