Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize