You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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