My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
