Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
