I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
