Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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