this beer tastes like vomit already
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
