I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
