Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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