Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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