Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
