Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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