The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
