This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
pray to the hookup gods
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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